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Campaign Badge May 9, 2008

Posted by SuperDave in "That's Just Wrong".
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Where can I order one of these...

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Vanishing Cream May 2, 2008

Posted by SuperDave in Family Stuff.
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During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.

The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”

The Color of Marriage April 21, 2008

Posted by SuperDave in Marriage.
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the color of happiness,” her mother explained. “And today is the happiest day in her life.”

The child thought about this for a moment. “So why is the groom wearing black?”

Amazing Simple Home Remedies April 21, 2008

Posted by SuperDave in "That's Just Wrong".
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1. IF YOU’RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.


4. A MOUSETRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5 . IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6 . YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7 . REMEMBER- EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

8 . IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Drunk Talking April 6, 2008

Posted by SuperDave in "That's Just Wrong".
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THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I’m married.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.

4. Taco Bell?  No thanks, I’m not hungry.

5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?

6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7. I’m not interested in fighting you.

8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!

9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Flashers April 6, 2008

Posted by SuperDave in Blondes.
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A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blond driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

It isn’t very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blond of the disabled vehicle yelling, ‘What’s going on here?’

‘My car broke down, officer’ says the woman calmly.

‘Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?’ he asks.

‘Helllooooooo!!!!’ says the blond. ‘Those are my emergency flashers!’

Pronounciations April 30, 2007

Posted by SuperDave in Uncategorized.
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Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said “Louieville” and the other “Louiseville.”

 

They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant.

 

The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, “Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly.”

 

The waitress goes, “Bur-ger-King.”

Japanese ski resort Mission Impossible. HYSTERICAL April 16, 2007

Posted by SuperDave in Uncategorized.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf1dHcv9DnM

Wife goes shopping… April 12, 2007

Posted by SuperDave in Funny Videos.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osU_pHjYGUY&NR=1

Magic Beer April 2, 2007

Posted by SuperDave in "That's Just Wrong".
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A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

“Magic Beer”, he says.

She thinks he’s a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, “That isn’t really Magic Beer, is it?”

“Yes, I’ll show you.” He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window.

The lady can’t believe it: “I bet you can’t do that again.” He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, “Give her one of what I’m having.” She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

The bartender looks up at the guy and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”